Friday, July 1, 2011

Mid year review for 2011, part one: Death predictions.

So far in 2011, the vultures of the tabloids, which usually means the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner, have given death predictions for a total of 30 celebrities, three of whom have died in these past six months, Miss Elizabeth Taylor, James Arness and Peter Falk. That works out to a batting average of .100, which is pretty darn sad no matter how you slice it.

The overall record since the beginning of 2010 is 10 correct predictions out of 84, a slightly better but still stinky .119. Of course, if they just stop predicting and wait, their batting average will eventually be 1.000. That's how this game works. But it's not in their nature not to speculate on life and death, no matter how bad they suck at it.

Here are the new names added to the list since January that are still alive.

Larry Fortensky
Roy Clark
George Jones
Donna Fargo
Miss Kitty Wells
Dick Van Dyke
Nancy Reagan
Steve Jobs
Regis Philbin
Paula Deen
John Edwards
Chuck Berry
Miss Angela Lansbury
Miss Maureen O'Hara
Jack Klugman
Amber Portwood

Here are the people who have been mentioned since January, but are repeat customers from 2010, excluding Miss Elizabeth Taylor, who was pegged for death six times in the month before the end.

Miss Aretha Franklin x2
Miss Doris Day x2
Bob Barker x2
Billy Graham
Jerry Lee Lewis
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whitney Houston
Charlie Sheen
Bill Clinton
James Garner
Miss Loretta Lynn

Best wishes to the people on the list, their family and friends, and double best wishes to the special ladies, Miss Loretta Lynn, Miss Kitty Wells, Miss Aretha Franklin, Miss Angela Lansbury, Miss Doris Day, and Miss Maureen O'Hara.

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