Problems With Plastic Alert: Mob Wives Renee's plastic surgery nightmare.

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Renee Graziano! The show Mob Wives has been mentioned a few times already this year, but usually no names are given on the cover. This time, Mob Wife Renee is identified by name, and it's another bad plastic surgery story, a common ailment of reality TV stars.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Teresa gets Botox and a butt lift.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 25 July 2011

The supermarket checkout rags not owned by AMI - People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly and In Touch - don't beat up real celebrities as much as the AMI publications do, because they actually get interviews and they need to keep access. On the other hand, they don't have to worry about access to reality TV stars, because the shows make certain they can get publicity, whether positive or negative. Because they do not fear reality TV stars, the magazines can tell as many negative stories as they want.

Right now, the most exploited sitting ducks are a whole mess of young girls from Teen Mom, the silly publicity hounds on The Bachelor/Bachelorette and Teresa Guidice from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Once again, she is mocked for having yet more plastic surgery.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Botox stars and frozen faces.

Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

Star has an expose about the Hollywood stars using botox, with a promise of 14 pictures inside. The person they put on the cover was Megan Fox, an actress who gained fame by being willing to take pictures that made her look like a stripper or a hooker, then had a change of heart about that career path and more or less fell off everyone's radar.

She has posted a short video on YouTube that shows her forehead actually can wrinkle if she makes a supreme effort.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Real Housewife Teresa's $40,000 plastic surgery AFTER bankruptcy!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kardashians ripped apart by off-camera scandals!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Kourtney and Khloe have been nearly forgotten by the supermarket rags for awhile, even before Kim announced her wedding and sucked all the air out of the room. But this week, Star puts all three on the cover with plenty of dish to go around. Here are the headlines.

• New sex tape
• Custody battle
• Secret pregnancy
• Plus: the truth about their plastic surgery

The custody battle would have to be Kourtney, since she's the only one who has a kid, but the other stories could be about any of the three. You'll have to buy the magazine yourself to find out, since I don't open them up on general principles.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Barry Manilow's plastic surgery disaster!

Publication: Globe
Date: 27 June 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Barry Manilow! Technically, he should not count as Hey Old Timer Gossip since he was not a nationally known hitmaker until after I graduated high school, but when I was in high school, he was writing jingles and working for Bette Midler, so he was well on his way.

Barry's in his late sixties now, so his story is going to be in the Globe (or the low rent Examiner) and like most people his age in the gossip rags, the story is about plastic surgery gone wrong.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: George Jones' botox secret!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 13 June 2011

The low rent Examiner thinks its target audience wants to hear bad things about the silver throated country legend, George "No Show" Jones, so it leads with a titillating headline about his use of Botox.

With all he's put his body through, he's lucky that he can use anything this side of embalming fluid to still look good.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Plastic surgery shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 June 2011

The Enquirer once again smacks women around for the sin of getting old and blames plastic surgeons. The targets this time around are Cher, Goldie Hawn, Courtney Love, Lara Flynn Boyle, Tina Louise and Maria Shriver. There were also three "Guess who?" sets of boobs, but that would mean opening the magazine.

As much as I like boobs, it wasn't temptation enough.

Bad mom alert: Mom torments Kardashian sisters over their bodies.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

In Touch calls out Kris Jenner as a nasty beeyotch ruining the lives of her daughters. Here are the details.

• Kourtney pressured to get Botox to erase crow's-feet
• Khloe delays baby plans for lip after Kris calls her 'fat'
• Kim agrees to a super-sized butt implant to stay famous

Doesn't being famous sound like super fun?

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Bristol Palin's new chin.

Publications: Globe, In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Internet has been buzzing about Bristol Palin's new chin for about a week, and yesterday one of America's best known unwed teen mothers admitted to the surgery, but said it was for health reasons because her teeth were not meshing properly.

Like this family has never lied to us before.

In any case, Bristol has gone all Kardashian in her look and guess what? She's just signed to do a reality TV show based in Los Angeles! What are the odds?

So Little Miss Abstinence After The Fact gets two cover stories for a plastic surgery this week. While a story like this is tailor made for In Touch, the strangest thing about all this is that the Globe put it up front. Their readership skews much older generally. The only people on the cover of the Globe this year that are in Bristol Palin's age range are crime victims like Holly Bobo.

All the Teen Mom dish for 11 April.

Publications: Star, OK!, In Touch
Date: 11 April 2011

There are a lot of reality shows on a lot of channels, but there are only a handful that the supermarket rags cannot leave alone: The Kardashians, Kendra, Dancing With The Stars, The Bachelor and Teen Mom. There is an occasional mention of American False Idol, and a scattershot of Real Housewives, but the five mentioned above are the ones that show up regularly, week in and week out. This week, there are three stories about the Teen Mom cast, and I post all of them here.

• OK!: Teen Mom catfights and drama
• In Touch: Teen moms addicted to surgery - implants, lipo and nose jobs!
  How Jenelle, Leah and Maci are falling victim to the pressures of fame
  Plus: Amber's $50,000 nip/tuck
• Star: Teen Mom brawl Jenelle and Brittany
  punching, scratching, biting