She Fought The Law Alert™: This week's Casey Anthony stories

Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Two of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids are trying to keep the outrage over the Casey Anthony verdict fueled. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Casey loses $5 mil blood money deal after bitter public backlash
  Caylee's revenge!
  Plus: her new look revealed
• Globe: Casey Anthony: Proof she got away with murder!
  Former prosecutor's bombshell charge!
  Five key piece of evidence HIDDEN from jury
  PLUS: Judge banned shocking Casey video
  

You So Crazy Alert™: Mary Kate Olsen's tearful public breakdown

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

While other gossip sources show interest in the Olsen twins, young and allegedly worth billions while looking like heroin addicts, the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have left them alone for the most part. The Enquirer says this week that Mary Kate, whose last big brush with tabloid fame came when she was allegedly the last person to see Heath Ledger alive way back in early 2008, had a tearful public breakdown and they have exclusive pictures.

Meanest story nominee: Kate collapses!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: The J. Lo - Marc Anthony break-up takes center stage.

Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Easily the biggest story of the week is the divorce of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony with mentions on seven of ten supermarket rag covers. Here are the headlines.

• People: : J. Lo and Marc Anthony: Their marriage explodes
  The real story
  Their constant fighting
  rumors of infidelity
  jealousy issues
  what's next?
• OK!: J Lo's divorce shocker!
  Marc's been seeing his sexy ex-wife!
• In Touch: J. Lo's agony
  Marc's jealous rage
• Star: Inside J. Lo's bitter $250 million divorce
  Sexless nights
  Other women, other men
  Final screaming match
• Weekly Life & Style: $300 M divorce
  The cheating rumors that tore them apart
• Us Weekly: Cheating and Lies
  Her side of the story
  Marc caught with stewardess
  Screaming fights about flirting with costars
  A secret e-mail to Ben Affleck
  His desperate need to control her
• National Enquirer: J. Lo caught!
  Did this photo end their marriage?
  

Demon Drugs Alert™: Paula Abdul's new beau busted for heroin.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer reports that Paula Abdul's new fella is a former heroin addict.

I looked online for his name. He's Jeff Bratton. He owns a record label. In my book, that makes him lower than a heroin addict, but that's just me.

Bad Dad Alert: James Brolin's son is homeless.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 July 2011

The Enquirer threw a dart at a board full of celebrity names and decided to make James Brolin's life a living hell. Back in March, they reported on trouble in his marriage to Barbra Streisand, and now they have a picture of someone they say is Brolin's son, a big guy - they say 300 lbs., could be more - who looks developmentally disabled, who is now living out of his truck.

Before you ask, no, it's not Josh Brolin. Say what you will about him, he's not fat.

Meanest story nominee: Della Reese and missing church funds.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Miss Della Reese! The Enquirer has a story about the 80 year old singer and actress "caught up" in an IRS probe of her church, where funds have gone missing. I have found no independent confirmation of this story online, so I'm assuming they are way over the line.

Just in case anyone from the Enquirer reads this blog, let me quote The Wire to express my disapproval. You just shot the Sunday crown off of a colored lady. If you ever run into the ghost of Stringer Bell, I'm sure he'll let you know how inadvisable that is.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

She Fought The Law (and won) Alert™: A passel of Casey Anthony stories.

Publications: National Enquirer, National Examiner, Globe, Star, In Touch
Date: 25 July 2010

If we ignore the Sun, which is usually about the end of the world, the five meanest gossip rags are the other four published by AMI (National Enquirer, the low rent Examiner, Globe, Star) and In Touch. All five of those have Casey Anthony stories this week. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Casey and her lawyer: getting physical!
• National Examiner: Casey Anthony verdict: what do you think?
• Globe: Casey Anthony marked for death!
  Chilling threat targets Monster Mom
• Star: Casey Anthony ca$hing in (OUTRAGE!)
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony Wedding Bombshell
  Secret new life of America's most hated woman
  Another baby to replace Caylee
  $50K plastic surgery makeover
  Where she'll live and more

For a little outrage overspill, the Enquirer has a picture of the judge in the case and a story from his mistress blabbing about his cheating.

This is a lot of stories, but only counts as a single week's coverage by my way of counting. We will see if she remains gossip-worthy as the year continues.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoe Alert:Who's gay and who's not for July 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer has its second homosexual speculation cover of the year with a lot of people who haven't been mentioned in any context in the supermarket rags in a year and a half.

Here are the supermarket rag newbies.

• Vin Diesel
• Sarah Silverman (seen kissing Jessica Biel)
• Amy Yasbeck (identified as John Ritter's widow, also shown kissing a woman)

Here are people who have been mention in the tabloids before, though none had been in one of these big gay (or not) line-ups before.

• Jessica Biel (kissing Sarah Silverman)
  
• Kiefer Sutherland (kissing some guy)
• Hines Ward (winner of Dancing With The Stars)
• Wynonna Judd (who allegedly has a gay secret)
• Vanna White (why she's still single)
  

Nekkid Pitchers Alert™: Chris Hansen sent his mistress nude photos.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

The rest of the media has moved on from the Chris Hansen sex scandal, but the Enquirer still has some more dirt, this time in the form of "exclusive" nude photos Hansen sent to the phone of his mistress.

It's times like this when I wish a scandal like the one that happened at News of the World in the U.K. could happen over here and we could see one of these rags crash and burn in the space of a week.

Meanest story nominee: Oprah's heart attack drama.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Oprah Winfrey is just a story or two away from breaking into the top ten for most cover appearances, almost all of them on the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Flagship taking pot shots at her, saying she now weighs 271 pounds and she underwent a secret four hour surgery to save her life.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bun in the oven alert™: Casey Anthony is pregnant!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

The real news about Casey Anthony is the jury is now deliberating in her murder case. The probably not real news is that she is pregnant, according to the not very reliable Enquirer.

Since this statement was made in July, I won't be checking its veracity until next March, but my guess is it's nonsense.

All the Bachelorette stuff for 11 July.

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Four supermarket rags this week are covering The Bachelorette. The only surprise is the Enquirer, which doesn't pay that much attention to this particular show.
Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Bachelorette Ashley betrayed again!
  Still reeling from Bentley's cruel taunts, Ashley has her heart broken again as it's revealed her future fiance has a secret girlfriend back home.
  Heartthrobs turned heart breakers - Ames, J.P., Ryan
• In Touch: Ashley update: caught with J.P.
• National Enquirer: Ashley is a runaway bride
  
• OK!: Poor Ashley discovers she was being used for fame

Maybe I'm just naturally cruel, but I actually laughed at the OK! headline. What "fame" did Ashley have? Oh yeah, she was selected to be on reality TV, and paid a boatload of money to do it, so "poor" is not the best description of the young woman.

Meanest Story nominee: Travolta baby autism shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

The Enquirer continues their war on fat Scientologists with a story that Benjamin Travolta, the new baby of John Travolta and Kelly Preston, is autistic. Here are the headlines.

• Doctor tells all
• John and Kelly in marriage counseling
• All their secrets
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Scoop of the week: Chris Hansen of To Catch A Predator caught cheating on videotape

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch A Predator who videotapes men coming into homes with the hope of sweet talking some underaged girl into bed, has been caught on videotape sweet talking a woman past age of consent, but said woman is not his wife. Unlike most stories in the supermarket rags, this one has gained traction quickly in the mainstream press and qualifies as Scoop of the Week.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Real Housewife Teresa's $40,000 plastic surgery AFTER bankruptcy!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

On the rocks alert: Divorce Wars!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

The Flagship takes up most of the cover trashing the marriages if entertainers. One couple is making their first visit to the front pages, another is making only its second visit and first inkling there is trouble, and the third one is no surprise at all.

Welcome to gossip hell, Bruce Boxleitner and Melissa Gilbert! Just for a change of pace, the headline "All Melissa's Dirty Secrets & Lies!" makes it look like the wife is to blame.

This is also the first gossip rag mention of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill have a "troubled marriage".


And last but certainly least in terms of the surprise factor, we have "Maria's Plan to destroy Arnold forever".

Best of luck, hon.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Glen Campbell diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

The National Enquirer has published a front page story that singer Glen Campbell, 75, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. They add the detail that he sobbed when he heard the news.

To be honest, if I was in his situation, I'd cry, too.

Campbell actually broke the news in an interview with People, but the Enquirer was the first to put him on the cover.

Best wishes to Mr. Campbell, his friends and family, from a fan.

Non scoop of the week! O.J. Simpson confesses the murders to Oprah!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Enquirer says a "pal" of O.J.'s has reported that O.J. confessed to the murders from seventeen years ago when he talked recently to Oprah Winfrey.

It's complete horseshit. Oprah denies it up and down.

When you think that those murders happened seventeen years ago, do you feel a little old? Yeah, me too.

Love Bird Alert™ with a side order of hairdresser: Jen and Justin move forward!

Publications: National Enquirer, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 27 June 2011

More stories about Jen and Justin. Us Weekly called them "Justifer" on their website. I pray to Odin, Vishnu and the little baby Jebus that doesn't catch on. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen & Justin moving in!
• OK!: Jen & Justin: Moving too fast!
• National Enquirer: Jen discovers new boyfriend's gay secret
  

Do you notice a subtle difference in the editorial choices? I thought you might.