On the rocks alert: The J. Lo - Marc Anthony break-up takes center stage.

Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Easily the biggest story of the week is the divorce of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony with mentions on seven of ten supermarket rag covers. Here are the headlines.

• People: : J. Lo and Marc Anthony: Their marriage explodes
  The real story
  Their constant fighting
  rumors of infidelity
  jealousy issues
  what's next?
• OK!: J Lo's divorce shocker!
  Marc's been seeing his sexy ex-wife!
• In Touch: J. Lo's agony
  Marc's jealous rage
• Star: Inside J. Lo's bitter $250 million divorce
  Sexless nights
  Other women, other men
  Final screaming match
• Weekly Life & Style: $300 M divorce
  The cheating rumors that tore them apart
• Us Weekly: Cheating and Lies
  Her side of the story
  Marc caught with stewardess
  Screaming fights about flirting with costars
  A secret e-mail to Ben Affleck
  His desperate need to control her
• National Enquirer: J. Lo caught!
  Did this photo end their marriage?
  

Demon Rum Alert™: Harry Potter star's drunken binges!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Daniel Radcliffe! The gossip rags l-o-v-e Twilight, but this is the first story about anyone from the Harry Potter cast on a supermarket checkout rag cover in a year and half at least. Star wants you to know young Mr. Radcliffe is a drunk, but he's already admitted to this in interviews and he says he's given the stuff up.

On the rocks alert: Jen betrayed!

Publication: Star
Date: 25 July 2011

Does there have to be a Jennifer Aniston story every single week? No, there isn't some contractual obligation or anything, but it sure seems like there is one anyway. This week Star claims an exclusive that Justin Theroux went and saw his ex recently.

Meanest story nominee: Kate Middleton pregnant AND anorexic!

Publication: Star
Date: 25 July 2011

The Star has a story about Kate Middleton, but it has nothing to do with the visit. Before they were hitched, it was a little rude to say she was already pregnant, and now the rudest stories say she can't get pregnant because she's too skinny.

So Star puts both those threads together and tells us Kate IS pregnant and too skinny at the same time. In what they call a "pregnancy and anorexia shocker!", they say she is 95 lbs. and pregnant. Kate is 5'10" (or 1m 78 tall and weighing 43 kg for my non Yank readers). Some top models are that tall and usually even the way skinny ones are still slightly over 100 pounds.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

She Fought The Law (and won) Alert™: A passel of Casey Anthony stories.

Publications: National Enquirer, National Examiner, Globe, Star, In Touch
Date: 25 July 2010

If we ignore the Sun, which is usually about the end of the world, the five meanest gossip rags are the other four published by AMI (National Enquirer, the low rent Examiner, Globe, Star) and In Touch. All five of those have Casey Anthony stories this week. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Casey and her lawyer: getting physical!
• National Examiner: Casey Anthony verdict: what do you think?
• Globe: Casey Anthony marked for death!
  Chilling threat targets Monster Mom
• Star: Casey Anthony ca$hing in (OUTRAGE!)
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony Wedding Bombshell
  Secret new life of America's most hated woman
  Another baby to replace Caylee
  $50K plastic surgery makeover
  Where she'll live and more

For a little outrage overspill, the Enquirer has a picture of the judge in the case and a story from his mistress blabbing about his cheating.

This is a lot of stories, but only counts as a single week's coverage by my way of counting. We will see if she remains gossip-worthy as the year continues.

On the rocks alert: Marriages explode!

Publication: Star
Date: 19 July 2011

The Star has stories of three celebrity marriages in trouble taking up most of the cover this week. Here are the headlines.


Katy Perry pain: Living apart from Russell After Only 8 months


Shock for Demi Moore: Ashton's Night With Nude Model


Ben Affleck Busted: His Boozing, Lies & Gambling - Jen Garner's Fury

Welcome to gossip hell 2011, Jen Garner! This is the first mention of her in a year and a half, and the first mention of Ben Affleck in 2011.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Hollywood divorce lawyers tell all!

Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

The cover of the Star is dominated by three divorce stories mentioned in the post just above this one, but they also have a teaser for another story about Hollywood divorce lawyers spilling their secrets about other clients. There is no artwork with this story because it's a "Guess who?" kind of deal. Here are the headlines.

• Cross-Dressing!
• Caught with the Nanny!
• Murder by Hit Man
• & more shocking secrets!
  

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Botox stars and frozen faces.

Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

Star has an expose about the Hollywood stars using botox, with a promise of 14 pictures inside. The person they put on the cover was Megan Fox, an actress who gained fame by being willing to take pictures that made her look like a stripper or a hooker, then had a change of heart about that career path and more or less fell off everyone's radar.

She has posted a short video on YouTube that shows her forehead actually can wrinkle if she makes a supreme effort.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies for early July 2011.

Publication: Star
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Star has yet another grab bag of women in swimsuits on the cover, some looking good, some not so good. Ignoring the "guess who?" pictures, here's the list.

They found a flattering picture of Kim Kardashian in a bikini. This is not that difficult.

They welcomed Christina Hendricks to gossip hell with a swimsuit picture that makes the Mad Men star look not only top heavy (d'uh!) but heavy as well.

Others in swimsuits include Ke$ha, Coco and Cameron Diaz.

They speculate on enboobenings on ex-Spice Girl Geri Haliwell and Vienna Girardi from The Bachelor.

Christina is leaving The Voice.

Publication: Star
Date: 11 July 2011

According to Star, Christina Aguilera is leaving the hit show The Voice. According to the show's producers, all the stars have been signed for a second season.

On the rocks alert: the break-up of George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis.

Publications: Star, People
Date: 11 July 2011

The supermarket rags comment on the break-up of George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis, which was announced last week. Here are the headlines.

• People: George Clooney single again
• Star: George and Elisabetta: X-rated scandal before split

You will notice the somewhat positive spin from People and the salacious take from Star. There is the difference in the magazines in a nutshell.

Love Bird Alert™ and hussy alert: More about Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux.

Publications: People, Star, In Touch
Date: 11 July 2011

Eventually, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux will be together long enough to have a nice picture of them together. As it stands, they are always being photobombed in one way or another. (The person you can see who seems to be annoying them is Jason Sudelkis.)

In any case, there are three stories in the supermaket rags about them this week. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin Romantic NYC weekend
• In Touch: Justin & Jen talking marriage
• Star: Justin & Jen: his jilted ex speaks out

Ah, the good old predictable Star. No punch bowl is complete unless there's a turd in it.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Ryan found with Farrah's missing $30 million painting!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 4 July 2011

Star is claiming an exclusive about a story already printed by other news outlets, that Ryan O'Neal was caught with an Andy Warhol painting of Farrah Fawcett, currently valued at $30 million.

Farrah left her entire art collection to the University of Texas, but the Warhol had been missing. A film crew in O'Neal's house showed that the picture was prominently displayed, so mystery solved.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kardashians ripped apart by off-camera scandals!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Kourtney and Khloe have been nearly forgotten by the supermarket rags for awhile, even before Kim announced her wedding and sucked all the air out of the room. But this week, Star puts all three on the cover with plenty of dish to go around. Here are the headlines.

• New sex tape
• Custody battle
• Secret pregnancy
• Plus: the truth about their plastic surgery

The custody battle would have to be Kourtney, since she's the only one who has a kid, but the other stories could be about any of the three. You'll have to buy the magazine yourself to find out, since I don't open them up on general principles.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Leonardo DiCaprio and others caught in multi-million dollar gambling ring!

Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a lot of "exclusive" stories on the covers this week, and this one is an "exclusive" I have already read about online. Several well-known actors have a private high stakes home poker game, which is illegal. The guy who ratted them out is Brad Ruderman, a bankrupt hedge fund manager now being charged with running a ponzi scheme. The guy being named in most of the stories is Tobey Maguire, but the other regular players include DiCaprio and Ben Affleck.

Tip to people with home poker games. Set some standards. Hedge fund managers are exactly the riff-raff with whom you don't want to be associated.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding #3 for Britney.

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Britney Spears used to be a staple of American gossip, but her act got a little stale. She gets more cover stories than Jennifer Lopez, for example, though J. Lo has had more coverage since she started working on American False Idol. Neither of them gets as many covers as Camilla Parker-Bowles, who gets to play the wicked stepmother to Wills'N'Kate, our new Prince Charming and his beloved.

In any case, Star says Brit is getting married for the third time. These reports were denied earlier this month.

On the rocks alert: LeAnn marriage meltdown!

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Way back in May 2010, Star wrote something nice about LeAnn Rimes. Since then, it's been nothing but negative stories about her in the most independent of the AMI rags. Though he is not mentioned by name, Star wants us to know that she is having trouble holding on to Eddie Cibrian, the man she stole from another woman.

Love Bird Alert™: Chris Brown and Rihanna hook up!

Publication: Star
Date: 30 June 2011

If we are to believe Star, always a risky proposition, Chris Brown, the pop singer who became the exactly wrong kind of super famous for beating up his then girlfriend Rihanna, has "hooked up" with her again in the recent past.

Just for the record, when the young people say "hook up", they don't mean get together for a cup of coffee.

All this week's news about Angelina Jolie.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Angelina Jolie is the center of the American gossip solar system and everything revolves around her. This was true long before I started this blog a year and a half ago. While Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock have appeared on more covers than BrAngelina, there are also the solo stories about Angie. If I split every story about the couple into a story about each, instead of BrAngelina being in third place and Angie being in tenth, she would be first and he would be second.

Heck, the gossip rags wouldn't care as much about Jennifer Aniston if she wasn't the modern day equivalent of Debbie Reynolds to Angie's Elizabeth Taylor.

While Brad gets mentioned in passing in one of this week's stories, the focus is on Angelina. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Angelina's $500,000 birthday gift
• Star: Angelina's secrets & lies
  tell-all book banned!
  Her secret trial separation from Brad
  Cheating - other men, other women
  Held hostage with a gun to her head
  11 Never-before-seen family photos
  Teen guitar hero
  First wedding
  
  

Damn You Skinny Alert™: A whole slew of too skinny celebrity women.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 20 June 2011

Star uses most of the cover this week to show women who are too skinny as far as they are concerned. The list includes Ashlee Simpson, Courtney Love, Keira Knightley, Taylor Momsen, Tara Reid, Gretchen Rossi, Candice Swanepoel and a blocked out face "Guess who?" picture of Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives that was on the cover of Star last April.

The magazine expects their readers have the attention spans of gnats. They may be right as far as that goes.