Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: More trouble in paradise over Brad's mystery woman.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

OK! is following up on their story from two weeks ago that Brad Pitt is flirting with some woman on the set of World War Z, a movie he is filming in Malta. She is an assistant and not an actress and it's allegedly causing a kerfuffle. Even at the OK! website, she does not have a name. Here are the new headlines.

• Angie can't take it: Brad's mystery woman!
• Shocking new photos inside
• They flaunt their happiness in public
• What she did to win Brad's trust
• Why Brad can't stop seeing her
  

On the rocks alert: BrAngelina fight over Shiloh!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 1 August 2011

Once again, there is trouble in the BrAngelina relationship, as they are fighting over Shiloh.

It's always something with these two, isn't it?

On the rocks alert: The J. Lo - Marc Anthony break-up takes center stage.

Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Easily the biggest story of the week is the divorce of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony with mentions on seven of ten supermarket rag covers. Here are the headlines.

• People: : J. Lo and Marc Anthony: Their marriage explodes
  The real story
  Their constant fighting
  rumors of infidelity
  jealousy issues
  what's next?
• OK!: J Lo's divorce shocker!
  Marc's been seeing his sexy ex-wife!
• In Touch: J. Lo's agony
  Marc's jealous rage
• Star: Inside J. Lo's bitter $250 million divorce
  Sexless nights
  Other women, other men
  Final screaming match
• Weekly Life & Style: $300 M divorce
  The cheating rumors that tore them apart
• Us Weekly: Cheating and Lies
  Her side of the story
  Marc caught with stewardess
  Screaming fights about flirting with costars
  A secret e-mail to Ben Affleck
  His desperate need to control her
• National Enquirer: J. Lo caught!
  Did this photo end their marriage?
  

Regis' shocking tell-all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Only the two supermarket rags that have the lion's share of Hey Old Timer Gossip, the Globe and the low rent Examiner, think Regis Phiblin is a source of hot dish. This time it's the Globe who says their is a tell-all book, for which someone will be paid $10 million. It isn't clear on the cover whether he is the author or someone is ratting on him. Here are the headlines.

• Divorce bombshell
• Other women
• How he nearly died - THREE TIMES
• Inside: Shocking truth about Kathie Lee
  

On the rocks alert: Obamas' secret split.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 25 July 2011

Ever since Clinton, the gossip rags have loved writing that the presidential marriage is in trouble, especially the Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, Michelle has had enough and she is now living a life apart from Barack Hussein Lothario Obama.

The low rent Examiner and the Sun are the only two of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter that don't have online versions. This is because both are made on the cheap. Still, we are supposed to believe the low rent Examiner is able to dig up scoops on two of the best protected people on the planet.

The Sun only expects us to believe in the End of the World about six times a year and there's a Bat Boy who was found in a cave.

On the rocks alert: Jen betrayed!

Publication: Star
Date: 25 July 2011

Does there have to be a Jennifer Aniston story every single week? No, there isn't some contractual obligation or anything, but it sure seems like there is one anyway. This week Star claims an exclusive that Justin Theroux went and saw his ex recently.

I feel about Teen Mom the way Jan Brady felt about Marcia.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen Mom nonsense abides. I report with no further comment.

• OK!: Maci & Kyle Split: She's still in loved with Ryan
• In Touch: Teen Mom dating disasters!
  In love with cheaters, druggies and a killer!
  Leah: Since Corey left, she's hooking up with three different guys!
  Farrah: Can't stop crying over new violent bad boy
  Maci: Wedding on hold! Why her ex Ryan is to blame
  
  

On the rocks alert: Marriages explode!

Publication: Star
Date: 19 July 2011

The Star has stories of three celebrity marriages in trouble taking up most of the cover this week. Here are the headlines.


Katy Perry pain: Living apart from Russell After Only 8 months


Shock for Demi Moore: Ashton's Night With Nude Model


Ben Affleck Busted: His Boozing, Lies & Gambling - Jen Garner's Fury

Welcome to gossip hell 2011, Jen Garner! This is the first mention of her in a year and a half, and the first mention of Ben Affleck in 2011.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Hollywood divorce lawyers tell all!

Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

The cover of the Star is dominated by three divorce stories mentioned in the post just above this one, but they also have a teaser for another story about Hollywood divorce lawyers spilling their secrets about other clients. There is no artwork with this story because it's a "Guess who?" kind of deal. Here are the headlines.

• Cross-Dressing!
• Caught with the Nanny!
• Murder by Hit Man
• & more shocking secrets!
  

On the rocks alert: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green fighting to save their marriage.

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 July 2011

Megan Fox doesn't have any movies coming out this year and in general the gossip rags have ignored her this year since her marriage, so it's a little odd she has two completely different stories about her this week. While Star says she's a botox abuser, OK! says her marriage which is barely a year old is already in crisis and she and hubby Brian Austin Green are fighting to save it.

Quick tip: If you are fighting, it likely isn't the best way to save it.

On the rocks alert: Brad flirts with a woman on the set of his new film and Angie fumes!

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 July 2011

Yet again, rumors of trouble in the BrAngelina relationship make the front cover of an American supermarket rag. Brad is shooting World War Z, a movie about the world after a zombie apocalypse is averted, and OK! says he was allegedly "intimate" with a woman on the set, who gets in a picture on the cover but is not named.

Angelina is so upset she has stopped the wedding, an event she has never confirmed is going to happen in the first place.

On the rocks alert: Lauren Conrad and Kyle are no more.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 11 July 2011

Us tells it readers about the "shocking split!" between Lauren Conrad and her longtime boyfriend Kyle Howard. The headline reads "She believed Kyle was The One, but after three years and no ring, Conrad finally got the courage to say goodbye."

I had kinda sorta heard of her, but I had no idea who he was and I still don't.

People puts the last nail in the coffin of the Brad and Emily story. Or at least one can hope.

Publication: People
Date: 11 July 2011

The season of the Bachelor starring this guy Brad last aired in March, but it was still a prime story in the supermarket rags in April and May, then mercifully ignored in June. Now that the new season of the Bachelorette is airing, I thought we might go back to those happy days when "Brad" meant Brad Pitt, but no such luck. People felt the need to repeat what everyone was saying two months ago, that the fake romance on the fake TV show was just a sham and now it's over.

Here are the headlines.

• Why I left Brad
  Reeling from the split Emily Maynard reveals how their romance went so wrong, so fast
  Brad admits: "It's all my fault"

On the rocks alert: the break-up of George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis.

Publications: Star, People
Date: 11 July 2011

The supermarket rags comment on the break-up of George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis, which was announced last week. Here are the headlines.

• People: George Clooney single again
• Star: George and Elisabetta: X-rated scandal before split

You will notice the somewhat positive spin from People and the salacious take from Star. There is the difference in the magazines in a nutshell.

Meanest story nominee: Michelle storms out!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

If we were to accept the word from the AMI kennel, Michelle Obama is constantly in a raging bad mood, the American equivalent of Camilla Parker-Bowles. Here are the headlines.

• Hates life in the White House
• Shocking fights with Prez
  

On their website, they add the detail that she is moving out and taking the girls back to Chicago with her.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Scoop of the week: Chris Hansen of To Catch A Predator caught cheating on videotape

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch A Predator who videotapes men coming into homes with the hope of sweet talking some underaged girl into bed, has been caught on videotape sweet talking a woman past age of consent, but said woman is not his wife. Unlike most stories in the supermarket rags, this one has gained traction quickly in the mainstream press and qualifies as Scoop of the Week.

On the rocks alert: Divorce Wars!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

The Flagship takes up most of the cover trashing the marriages if entertainers. One couple is making their first visit to the front pages, another is making only its second visit and first inkling there is trouble, and the third one is no surprise at all.

Welcome to gossip hell, Bruce Boxleitner and Melissa Gilbert! Just for a change of pace, the headline "All Melissa's Dirty Secrets & Lies!" makes it look like the wife is to blame.

This is also the first gossip rag mention of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill have a "troubled marriage".


And last but certainly least in terms of the surprise factor, we have "Maria's Plan to destroy Arnold forever".

Best of luck, hon.

On the rocks alert: The end of the marriage of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.

Publication: Globe
Date: 5 July 2011

In American gossip, the Queen Bitch is Angelina Jolie. In Brit gossip, it's Camilla Parker-Bowles. She is always scheming or collapsing over some setback or saying something nasty about someone. Here in the States, almost all these stories are in the Globe or the low rent Examiner.

For the third time in a year and a half, we have a story that Charles and Camilla have already divorced. Here are the details this time.

• Camilla & Charles It's Over!
• The final bust-up
• Their $300 million divorce
• Fighting in public June 11, 2011

A year ago, the settlement was $250 million, so obviously it's been a profitable year for the royals.

On the rocks alert: One gossip rag reports on Hugh Hefner being jilted.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to gossip hell, Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris! Lots of news organizations and online gossip outlets reported on 24 year old Crystal calling off the wedding to the 84 year old Hefner, but of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, only Us Weekly thought it was worth putting on the front cover this week.

Just a quick math note. A man who marries a woman twenty years his junior is marrying someone young enough to be his daughter. If she's sixty years younger, she could be his great-granddaughter.

Ick.

On the rocks alert: LeAnn marriage meltdown!

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Way back in May 2010, Star wrote something nice about LeAnn Rimes. Since then, it's been nothing but negative stories about her in the most independent of the AMI rags. Though he is not mentioned by name, Star wants us to know that she is having trouble holding on to Eddie Cibrian, the man she stole from another woman.