Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: More trouble in paradise over Brad's mystery woman.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

OK! is following up on their story from two weeks ago that Brad Pitt is flirting with some woman on the set of World War Z, a movie he is filming in Malta. She is an assistant and not an actress and it's allegedly causing a kerfuffle. Even at the OK! website, she does not have a name. Here are the new headlines.

• Angie can't take it: Brad's mystery woman!
• Shocking new photos inside
• They flaunt their happiness in public
• What she did to win Brad's trust
• Why Brad can't stop seeing her
  

On the rocks alert: BrAngelina fight over Shiloh!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 1 August 2011

Once again, there is trouble in the BrAngelina relationship, as they are fighting over Shiloh.

It's always something with these two, isn't it?

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: BrAngelina getting married!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 July 2011

Us Weekly joins the chorus of gossip rags saying BrAngelina will finally tie the knot. The headline reads "Finally! Why Angelina and Brad decided to make it official this summer."

In Touch had stories that they are already married at the beginning of the year. OK! has said they would marry three times this year. People, the reliable one, reported that Brad said "we might marry".

As usual, the couple does not bother confirming or denying anything.

On the rocks alert: Brad flirts with a woman on the set of his new film and Angie fumes!

Publication: OK!
Date: 18 July 2011

Yet again, rumors of trouble in the BrAngelina relationship make the front cover of an American supermarket rag. Brad is shooting World War Z, a movie about the world after a zombie apocalypse is averted, and OK! says he was allegedly "intimate" with a woman on the set, who gets in a picture on the cover but is not named.

Angelina is so upset she has stopped the wedding, an event she has never confirmed is going to happen in the first place.

Non scoop of the week! BrAngelina's secret wedding in France!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! In Touch goes with one of the standbys, BrAngelina getting hitched. Actually, the majority of stories saying they have had a secret wedding already have been peddled by In Touch. Just in case they think someone has noticed, on this story they have a special "It's Official!" headline.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think if something the only people allowed to keep things both official and secret are governments.

Here's the rest of the headlines.

• Secret Wedding in France
• Angelina's stunning L'Wren Scott gown and vintage ring
• Brad's emotional vow to his new wife
• The surprising celeb guest!
  

Of course, it's already been denied. If you don't know the name L'Wren Scott, she's the towering designer and love interest of the much older Mick Jagger.

Meanest Story nominee: Angelina's miscarriage drama!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 June 2011

Last week, the Enquirer won the Meanest Story of the Week vote hands down writing that Angelina was anorexic, weighed 99 pounds and was hooked on heroin. This week, they go with a story that may be even worse about the favorite topic of the gossip rags, that she had a miscarriage. Here are the headlines.

• The secret they're hiding
• Brad finds her on the floor covered in blood
• She begs him: "Save our baby!"
• Pregnancy dream shattered as weight continues to drop
  

Because of the gruesome details, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Love Bird Alert™?: Jen and Brad's emotional reunion!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 June 2011

The supermarket rags never tire of America's favorite spinster, Jennifer Aniston. While most of the stories over the past few weeks have focused on her new fella Justin Theroux, In Touch spins a tale about the big fish that got away, Brad Pitt. Here are the headlines.

• Betraying Angelina, Brad pours his heart out to Jen on May 18
• Plus: the expensive gift he bought her and their plan to meet again
  
  

Bells Are Ringing Alert™?:Brad hints at marriage.

Publications: People, OK!
Date: 13 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Brad Pitt has said in a recent interview that the most famous couple in the gossip world might get married. Here's the headlines from this week's supermarket rags.

• People: Brad says, "We might marry"
• OK!: BrAngelina getting married

Do you notice the subtle difference? I thought you might.

On the rocks alert:BrAngelina in couples therapy

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 6 June 2011

I use the phrase The Only Ten Magazines That Matter to describe the supermarket rags, but it really splits into a few groups. There's the Sun and its silly prophecies and horoscope crap, there's the Old Timer gossip rags the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and then there are the other seven. One of the things that makes BrAngelina and their brood the most important story in the gossip world is that they can show up in any of the seven magazines that blab about people under 60 years old.

Last year, the Enquirer paid only scant attention to the couple and their kids, but there's been a shift in editorial policy and they are as likely as anyone to have stories about BrAngelina now. Their latest is they are in couples therapy.

On the rocks alert: Angelina jealous over another woman.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 30 May 2011

Two stories about Brad Pitt stepping out, one from an AMI rag and another from a non-AMI rag. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Angelina and Brad's fight over a woman
• Star: Angie catches Brad… with the nanny!
  young, sexy and a Jen lookalike
  

Brad and Angie's cute twins.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 23 May 2011

Any excuse to get the BrAngelina brood on the front cover is good enough for The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and since this story is not from the AMI kennel, it has a positive slant.

Meanest Story nominee: BrAngelina's twins health horror!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 May 2011

Once again, the tabloids speculate about the health of BrAngelina's twins, Knox and Viv. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Angie's drug addiction put Viv and Knox in danger
• Brain damage shocker!
  
  

Some day when I have some extra time, I may have to go back and label all the stories that use the new three favorite words of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, "drama", "meltdown" and "shocker".

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bundle of Joy Alert?: New clues about a new baby for BrAngelina!

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! You might think Charlie Sheen and all his troubles, including a custody settlement and a live tour with a lot of drama, would be the big story in all parts of the gossip industry, but after a flurry of stories around the time he was fired six weeks ago, he has been a non-person in the supermarket rags.

BrAngelina, on the other hand, is the ever flowering perennial, and the Only Ten Magazines That Matter will report on any small event or even rumor. OK! goes with a cover story based on flimsy evidence that the Jolie-Pitt family size is about to go +1. The Star had a similar rumor about a month ago.

(Not really a) Man Slut alert: Brad Pitt in nude scene scandal!

Publication: Star
Date: 18 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! As I have noted before, BrAngelina don't have to do anything newsworthy to get on the cover of a gossip rag. They just have to exist.

This week's much ado about nothing is a nude scene in a movie Brad is currently shooting. As the Star so succinctly puts it "He's 47... She's 23!"

Sorry, Star. He's Brad Pitt and she's... just who is she again?

Welcome to gossip hell, Bella Heathcote! She's an Aussie with a teeny tiny list of appearances on imdb.com, but now she's playing opposite Brad Pitt and there's a nude scene. According to Star, Angie flew in to put the jinx on any shenanigans and just to make sure, she left the kids with Brad.

There's a woman who knows the key to a long and successful marriage. If someone is going to flee the nest, they have to take the kids with them.