Friday, August 27, 2010
Should Ex's Keep in Contact When in a Relationship?
What is the best dividing line between an ex-bf or ex-gf? Sure there can be numerous reasons why the relationship doesn't last, but is it appropriate to still keep in contact with your ex? How about when the boy or girl is presently in a relationship; do the same guidelines apply?
I know there can't be sufficient research for this, but some of the points I have found online address both sides of this issue...
"As long as your relationship with your ex is one of a platonic nature, there really shouldn't be a problem. If your current mate is comfortable with you and your ex's friendship, and your ex respects and acknowledges that you've moved on with someone else, everything should be fine! :D"
"You can keep in touch, but not in a sexual way. Keeping in touch doesn't mean calling every day, or even every week. Calling to say hi and such once every few months is fine, but too much contact is not cool. I keep in contact with my ex's but through email just seeing how things are. Main thing, just let your current know that you keep in contact with your ex. You don't want to be hiding something like that. It's a HUGE trust issue :)"
"wrong....big time how would you feel if your new man still spoke/saw his ex!!!!unless you have a good reason then leave the past in the past"
"I'm guilty of that sometimes, but I think it's wrong because those feelings that at one time attracted you to that person could take hold at any time. I only view it as talking to a friend, but yeah, I think it's a bad idea."
"By keeping in touch, if you can become friends and let each other know about what went wrong (that includes admitting you were at least partly to blame) you might be able to prevent it from happening again. but never i repeat NEVER try to hide any relationship with someone from the opposite sex from your new man, because then he will totally have a reason to think you're cheating (even if you aren't)."
"A situation like this is really dependent on what your clear intention is for maintaining contact. I suggest you ask yourself the following questions and answer honestly...
1) what am I wanting in keeping contact with my X?
2) If I do, am I respecting all the people I love and care about (will i hurt someone else)?
There is no right or wrong answer...it is what you do with the situation. Do it honorably and with no expectations."
From my point of view, I don't see it appropriate to keep in contact with an ex because that's the past and you can't relinquish what's already been done. I admit having some contact with an ex when the break-up was fresh, but I knew that keeping contact in each other's lives would cause more damage than good. To completely get over someone, no matter how bad the break-up, I feel you need to cut off complete contact. If you still have that person in your life, there's always going to be some feelings involved, whether it is only platonic. But this issue can affect your future relationships as well and damage it in an unexpected way.
In every relationship, a boundary should be involved. If your partner doesn't feel comfortable with it, then it's best to dispose of the issue before you find yourself arguing over stupid issues. Even though there has to be some level of trust, how conniving would it be for your partner to find out you still were talking to your ex behind their back? This therefore causes more mistrust than was actually intended. Respecting one's wishes in a relationship go both ways, the best way is to ask yourself internally if you'd be comfortable if your partner was doing the same things your doing. You don't want to break something that could potentially be something great; if you completely refuse to cut off ties, then you most likely do have some feelings for your ex still. If that's the situation it's best to break off ties with your current partner and be single until you figure out what relationship you really value for your future.
Even though there are no feelings involved, I recommend cutting off all ties completely, then maybe in the distant future, keeping tabs on each other wouldn't be so bad. Let me know your point of view on this issue...
You Just Do You, Imma Do Me
Posted by inter at 3:47 PM